Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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