Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
