i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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