note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
