It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
