I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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