how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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