Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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