it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I FOUND THE LEGS
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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