I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
