two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
