I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
