Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
