Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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