Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
