i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
