He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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