Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
