theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
