youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
