Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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