omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
