JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
