The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
