I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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