someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize