I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
