; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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