got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
