so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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