btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
