This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
