Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
