turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
