you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
