Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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