I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
