I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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