i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize