why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
