apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
