From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
