We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That accounts for only three of the penises
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
