your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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