State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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