my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
