look no pants
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
