Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I did not marry a roomba.
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