what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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