Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
