he wants to bone in the snuggie
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
