chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
