can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
