how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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