separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
