just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
