Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
