tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
