if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
