As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Two words: nipple clamps
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