um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
