I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize