i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
