I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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