just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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